Or so it feels.

I have failed,
Or so it feels.
To have walked in such intense Sunlight,
Makes the shadows feel so cold.
So now I wonder…
I have lost,
Or so it feels.
To have felt so blessed in the light of Love,
Makes its absence so blinding.
So now I stumble…
I am falling,
Or so it feels.
To have tread such steady ground only to feel it shudder,
Makes the Mountains seem to crumble.
So now I look…
I look up to the Heavens,
And ask the Universe for some air,
For I am a drowning man unsure of anything outside his Heart,
Now just looking for some reality in the dream.
I scream out to the Horizon,
And ask Her to speak to me,
Just whisper in my ear,
And tell me stories like those She used to tell.
For now I am thinking,
Or so it feels.
The mind goes round and round like an avalanche,
Taking with it all ability to know.
So now I lay unsure…
I am doubting,
Or so it feels.
Not out of a want to but simply in the absence of what once appeared so easily,
Which for now has disappeared.
So now I simply crumble.
It is true I am but a man,
The blood that once carried me through Hell,
Now bends me at my knee to this absence.
And I feel alone.
Not alone in the sense I used to walk,
As joyful as a wolf in the midst of winter,
But rather as a Lion who has fallen for a Tigress,
Who no longer hears Him roar.
So now I am just a humbled cat,
Missing what he thought was paradise,
Gone into a shell reserved once for the worst of him.
Hopeful..faithful…loyal to the end.
It is nothing he demands of his Lover,
He makes no such demand nor wants Her sympathy.
He simply wants to know.
More than his thoughts want to tell him.
What has happened to the air he breathed?
Where has all the Sunshine gone?
Did the Earth suddenly change its rotation?
Did the tides suddenly shift their direction?
What has changed?

One thought on “Or so it feels.

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