So I was alone, helpless as the day I was born. Actually, I was even more helpless, because in addition to not having hope I knew I did not have it. So there I lay, floundering in my own despair, searching for a light to guide my way. I reached for you but you weren’t there, gone was the life-after-life – the solace to which I had become accustomed.
You were my strength; you were my weakness. You cradled me in your arms as I sat helpless and bleeding. You stood with me as I faced torment. You lit my way as I groped down the narrow valley in which I was thrown. You held me up when I thought I would fall, you pushed me down as I struggled to stand. You helped me find my way as you kept me lost. You gave me a name even as I had forgotten who I was.
You helped me escape unbearable suffering as you heaped on the misery. You filled my cravings as you kept me wanting more. You kept me from looking by telling me what I saw; you stopped me from searching by destroying all I had found. You forced me to be who I wasn’t so that I could escape who I was; you created disdain for me while holding me true to a lie. I do not judge you in these descriptions, they are what I see when the blinders have been removed.
I have said goodbye to you. Not because I see you as good or evil, and not because I dislike you. I have said goodbye because I no longer need the walls that you create. I have said goodbye because I no longer fear my shadow. I have said goodbye because I have said hello to the me that was before I embraced you. I love you for the experience you have given me and for the now that I live in joy. I could not have gotten here without you.
Goodbye to you my friend; my foe. I am sure we will meet again someday, yet I can promise you that I will see you this time. I will feel you come and I will simply try to watch you go.
©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ