It is not this night I fear, but the dawn that shall break it.From whence such fears arose I cannot be certain, but fears divine they are in such scope as to shake the very foundation of their end.I walk alone, I think alone, I am alone; such things may or may not be true, but such things are surely the tremors that break the stillness of this night.
One can be lost and yet be found, and truly I am such a man.I look around me and smile brightly at the sights of love’s existence in my own, knowing full well that this breath of emotion is born in the darkest recesses of my being.I can feel this joy born of sorrow, and take notice that they are becoming equals in this tired soul.Such a lofty accomplishment I can bear as not my own, but of that of those who would bother to offer me the precious love that finds me even when all seems lost.I fear my single accomplishment without them would be in being lost, in being left to darkness, in grasping at straw figures who seek to keep me lost.No, anything that I may appear to be or do is me at all, but of those who provide the foundation to this shaky ground we call life.
And to them, I meekly offer you my effort, my heart as it can be given, my soul as it can be shown, and my life as it can be lived.
These feet are heavy as I bear more than the weight of my flesh upon this Earth.I do struggle with the weight at times, full well realizing that I am the stronger for the struggle.A wise man once cracked “That which does not kill me shall only make me stronger” without realizing that it isn’t the death that makes us weak, but the refusal to live with that which could kill us.Perhaps he did realize such things, perhaps he did live with such a weight to bear.
Still, I am left to seek out a stronger version of my self, that which is strength in not being so “strong”, that which finds solace in more than me.It appears to be a big step, likening that to each step on an old, rickety rope bridge stretched across valley to which there is no end.The pulse quickens at the thought of it, and the weight I carry on my back seems to beckon me not to step upon that bridge.Step I will, either toward a new landscape or into the obscurity that comes with the fall.
Greater risks have lesser men taken, but one must surely recognize the challenge of the mind.Leaving such comfort as the Beast finds itself in is an abnormality unto itself.Beasts marks their territory in the attempt to never leave the familiar, and they will fight to the death to remain in such comfort.Yet man must learn to tame his Beast should he seek to reach for that which is beyond him, for as we lift our leg to mark the spot we call our own our eyes always seek that which is beyond it.It is the Beast, our minds, that either ensures our imprisonment to the boundaries we cause or allow us the fortitude to step on that bridge that takes us beyond it.
I choose to step onto the bridge.I would risk the fall in order to seek what I cannot see.My sight has failed me before, many more times than I dare count, so I have learned that I can only trust what I see when what I see feelsright to that which the mind does not control.I simply cannot cling to that which I call “me” when in the eyes of those I love the tears form at the sight of me.Me is not all that great, it is what that me can become that may show the full potential of this life.So onward I step, outward I reach, all the while trust the inward part of me that remains when the voices are silent.